Well I guess I could blame the guy for being so nice….

But that’s a major cop-out.

Yes, indeed, it was I. I let my emotions run out of control. I let myself believe…

Ach, whatever. It’s in the past now. You’re probably lost. I’m just getting onto myself over kinda liking a guy when I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere.

Why do I do that? Why do I try to fill the God-sized hole in my heart with a guy? Honestly? I mean, I don’t “worship” the guy, and I still look for God, but…I dunno, I’m sure you girls understand what I’m saying.

I wonder…how that makes God feel. I’m sure he’s not particularly thrilled about it.

I guess it all comes down to trust. But am I really trying to take matters into my own hands? How will I know when it’s God telling me? I don’t even understand myself.

But I do understand one thing. God is the sovreign of the universe, and He cares about little old me. Little, not so cool, not so amazing me. Little miss messes up. He cares about me enough to send his only Son to die a sinner’s death on the cross. If he cares about me that much, it only makes sense that He care about my emotions. He’s not going to give me a frog. He’ll bring me a prince. I just have to trust.
And chill.

I guess it’s like that Superchick song, Barlowgirls.
“They won’t date, the won’t date,
They wanna see how they’re gonna grow up,
Who they’re gonna be.
But in the mean time they might feel unloved
When all the girls around them are hookin’ up.”

Yeah, okay, that song is me. I don’t want to date right now, honestly, I don’t. And yeah, it bugs me when I see these girls who aren’t secure in who they are or anything, and they’re getting all these guys. I’m like seriously?

But I have no reason to feel unloved. GOD, the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE, LOVES ME!!!! Why am I not satisfied with that?!

Because I’m looking in on the world. I’m sitting on the edge of God’s hand, dangling my legs, looking down over the world. “But look, God, see that? That’s so cute. I want that!” I point, looking back at God with big eyes.

God smiles at me gently. “No, you don’t. That’s not my plan for you. Not right now.”

“But God! It’s so sweet!”

“Why do you think you need some guy to like you? I love you; isn’t that enough?”

How am I answering him? How are you answering him? Do you say “Well…yeah…but…” swing your feet, and jump out of His hand to go check out this “dating scene”?

Or do you smile, draw up your knees, turn to God, and say “You’re right, I’m sorry God. Tell me a story.” And cuddle in His hand, basking in his radiance?

If I’m completely honest…I’ve been saying “Well…yeah…but….” and I’m tired of it. Time to draw in my knees, cuddle in the palm of His hand, and wait.

Will you just cuddle in the warmth of His hand, let His voice be enough, let His love fill every corner of your heart?

“Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
-2 Timothy 2:22
Build each other up! Get in a good Christian circle and strive for Christ everyday!!


2 responses »

  1. Monica says:

    *cries* Hugs* Thank you, I needed this… :) ;/ :)

  2. Kendall says:

    Awww, I love it. I completely can identify with that.

    Thanks for the comment, sorry it’s taken so long for me to get around to responding!

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