I am talking to various people or events. This is not intended to make sense. This is intended for me to get my thoughts straight.

I don’t care that I could answer you. I can’t. You don’t understand. I will in the morning. If you care about me at all just know I can’t. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of fighting myself.. How long will this go on? Why can’t I win? I’m tired of loving being around you so much. But I’m not at all; I love every moment I spend with you. And then….I hate myself because I can’t stop feeling like this. I can’t do this again. If you care about me at all you’ll understand when I’m quiet, and you won’t press me if I am, and you won’t take it the wrong way. As much as I like you, I love my Jesus more. And I…I don’t know what His will is for my life right now. I have no idea if it involves you and I. I don’t want to think it does and screw with His plan though. I……hate it that you make me smile so much, I hate it that I can’t let you have your proper place in my life, I hate it that myself is getting in the way. I just want to love you like Christ. I want to be for you what you’ve been for me. I want to be a strong woman of God who encourages you to pursue your walk with Him better and fuller every day. And sometimes that means I have to step back, and be quiet, to keep my heart quiet, so I can love you in the right way. You mean so much to me. The last thing I want to do is ruin this. I say all this to say, I didn’t stop because I hate you, rather because I care about you.
And then you. I love you so much but you can’t ever seem to be happy enough with me. one day you’re proud. one day you’re disappointed. I never know what you want from me. I try to please you, but it hurts that you don’t know me anymore. I can’t talk to you anymore. I miss it. I miss telling you everything. You don’t understand when I tell you stuff anymore. It’s like you don’t want to understand. I hate hiding my tears, fears, and struggles because I’m afraid of what you’ll think, or say, or how you’ll react. I miss you.
And you! you keep me sane. I love you so much. Thank you. And I’m praying for you. <3
And you. You have changed so much. And not in a good way. Fine, shut me out. Whatever. I miss you though. Just stop being so tempermental with me. I’m tired of being your toy; you only talk to me when it’s convenient. I’m pretty sure friends don’t do that. So cut it out, or just leave all together. but I miss you.
And you are just the best. I love being with you so much. I miss you; I can’t wait until I see you again :) you’re so amazing. <3

Thus concludes my thoughts. Thank you. have a nice day.
One person in the world will know who these people are.


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