“What do you want to be?” “What do you want to major in?” “what do you want to do with your life?”
I hate these questions because I either shrink back from what I really want, or get the weirdest looks when I tell them what my heart wants to be.
The simple answer to this, is that I want to be a wife and stay-at-home mother. That’s all I want to be. And every time I tell people that my goal in life is not to have a career but to just be a simple stay-at-home woman, I get strange looks. Shoot, I’m even to scared to tell my own mother.
I mean, sure, I realize marriage may not be in God’s will for me. And if that’s the case, His grace will have to help me realize and cope with that, because honestly…all I want is to be a wife and mother. I’ve been working for it so much lately. I want to learn how to cook so well that my husband will always be happy to eat at home, and my kids will be able to brag on what their mom makes them. I want to be a savvy shopper so I can respect my husband by making his hard-earned money go the farthest it can. I want to get better at sewing, because that’s cheaper and can make clothes last longer through alterations and whatnot. I’m working at keeping a neat house. I just want to live a life dedicated to serve the amazing man God could give me and our beautiful children.
And if that doesn’t happen? Fine. God will give me other dreams. I’m not worried about it. But for now? That’s the dream that is in my heart. That’s it. I always feel so lame telling people that. It’s like, don’t you have higher aspirations? Are you going to just let your brain rot away? Can’t you do something better with your life?
But I…don’t think there is a higher aspiration to me. My brain cannot rot when I’m homeschooling my children and teaching them about God’s love. And what on earth is better than serving and investing myself entirely in the lives of precious children who may one day change the world?
I have a hard time thinking God would put so much love and willingness to serve in my heart to just leave me single. But who knows, maybe I’ll end up working in an orphanage, or something. Either way, I just feel like my life is tied to children and doing homely things, one way or another. That’s my passion.
And it presents a real problem when filling out college scholarships. “Where do you see yourself in 10 years?” Well…I guess wiping noses, teaching my own children, cleaning my house, and being a submissive woman aren’t going to help me get college money. So am I supposed to pretend I want a career? Am I supposed to pretend that I’m worth their investment? Or do I tell the truth? I want nothing to do with a career; I only want to live a life of love and service, dedicated to one wonderful man and raising our children. Yeah, that’ll go over well.