Step one is admitting it, right?

I have discovered I am fond of whining. I am very fond of telling people how burnt out I am, how exhausted I am, how I’m afraid I’m doing too much. If I had a friend always telling me this, I’d go nuts. I don’t get why people put up with it, it’s really annoying, and something I need to just get over. I just need to get over myself and do what I need to do, who cares if everyone understands how frazzled I am? does it really matter?

“Do everything without complaining or arguing.” -Philippians 2:14 NIV

“Everything” is a pretty straightforward word. I’m sure there are times when venting is all right, but complaining? never.

This weekend is actually a perfect time for me to work on this, and I am excited to rely on God to get through without being a downer.

I also find that when I am very overwhelmed with things, I superduper long for somebody to just hold me and let me know it’s all going to work out all right. Like, just sitting on the couch, doing nothing but knowing he’s there, sounds perfect. but see, this person hasn’t emerged in my life yet, so this overwhemling stuff in my life becomes coupled with anxiousness and discontent, and that’s when it all gets dangerous. So, my sabbath (which I moved this week because Sunday just wasn’t going to be a restful day at all with family coming in and stuff) will consist of sleeping in, and lots of devos and reveling in the beauty of the national monument a few miles from my house. I am so excited. I’m so totally burnt out, and I know the only way to combat this desire to be held is to focus on the beautiful, scarred hands that are always holding me.

So Monday is going to be bomb, I can’t wait. My last sabbath didn’t even rest me up at all. I tried some different stuff, doing things with the family, but it was all just so busy. It wasn’t restful, it was just one more thing to do in a day. Sabbathing is hard, but I have come to depend on it. It makes my whole week brighter when I have a day to just reflect on my Savior, and just recharge. When i miss it, I feel it. This has been one of the hardest weeks in a long time because my Sabbath bombed miserably. I’m cranky, tired, emotional, and overwhelmed. It’s hard to pull back in to balance when I haven’t had my crucial weekly detox session with God, where He tells me I’m loved, important, beautiful, and special. Without that day…my week just becomes emotional chaos, an intensified mental battleground, and a firecracker with a match inches away. Missing it makes me so much more vulnerable to believe lies–about myself, about what I need, about who (rather than Who) can fill me up, about what people think…It’s just not pretty, healthy, or God’s best for me.

Monday, please hurry up. Jesus, keep me strong.

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