I always told myself I’d never let myself get close to someone unless I thought they were something special.

I always told myself that I’d never have to go through heartbreak, because I’d be smart about who I let in my heart.

Today, I failed the second one. While I don’t regret being close friends at all, I regret allowing myself to fall for him. I regret giving him so many pieces of my heart.

“The only one who has enough of me to break my heart…” -Teardrops on my guitar, Taylor Swift.

But I guess the good thing about a broken heart is that it’s a chance to start over. God is so good at taking broken things and making them whole. Now, I can give him the broken pieces of my heart, of my dreams, of my hopes…and watch them become beautiful again.

Yes, in case you couldn’t figure it out, today I discovered the almost relationship I thought I had has disintegrated into a not happening relationship. He is still my best friend, I still will go to him and talk to him about everything because he is so important to me, but any hopes of ever being anything special to him…are gone.

“This is where the healing begins. This is where the healing starts. Come to where you’re broken within; the light meets the dark.” -Healing Begins, Tenth Avenue North

This one cuts so deep. I honestly fooled myself into believing I could be good enough for this guy. This amazing, wonderful guy. I thought it was all so perfect. We seemed so perfect. But I was wrong.

I thought I had finally meant something to someone. I thought my days of a wallflower, of being passed over, of being in the shadows, were coming to an end. I thought I had found the one who would be with me forever, who would be there to take care of me and be taken care of, who would laugh and cry with me the rest of my life.

“I had so many dreams about you and I, happy endings, now I see that I’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairytale, I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stair rail. This ain’t hollywood, this is a small down, I was a dreamer before you and you let me down…” -White Horse, Taylor Swift.

But I was wrong.

But hey, now I can empathize with people better. I can say, I’ve been there, and let me tell you just how big our God is!

Because I believe God is big enough to carry me through this.

“When I have to crawl, well you crawl too, I stumble and I fall, carry me through. The wonder of it all is you see me through.” -Crawl, Superchick.

“Broken heart, one more time, pick yourself up, why even cry?
Broken pieces in your hands, wonder how you’ll make it whole
You know, you pray “This can’t be the way!”
You cry, you say “something’s gotta change, and mend this porcelain heart of mine.”
Someone said a broken heart would sting at first then make you stronger
I wonder why this pain remains, were hearts made whole just to break?
Creator, only You take brokenness and create it into beauty once again.” -Porcelain heart, Barlowgirl.

I could keep going with song lyrics. Music is so amazing.

But anyway. this doesn’t really have a point. I’m just letting my bloggers know what’s up with my life. Stick around, God is sure to show me amazing things in this, and I am so excited.


One response »

  1. Natalie says:

    Hang in there! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

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