I have been so enthralled with Ephesians 6:10-18 lately. Like…6:10 has been my theme the past few weeks gearing up for Tyler to leave.
Tonight as I was rereading, trying to calm myself down from everything, trying to just get control of myself again, trying to stop trying to imagine how I will do life without Tyler and just get ready to go do it, trying to keep my promise to not worry about our relationship, I went to Ephesians 6 again.
6:16 “In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.”
In addition to truth, righteousness, readiness, take up faith. As a shield, nonetheless.
Faith. Such a small word with such huge impacts.
I have to have faith through this. I have to have faith that God is working behind the scenes in my story. I don’t understand what He’s doing, I don’t like it at all, but I have to have faith that this…is what is supposed to be happening. That there is something I am supposed to be learning. Maybe if I hurry up and learn it, I won’t have to do this again, eh? :)
But maybe I do understand what He’s doing. If I so readily found my comfort, my support, and my security in having Tyler around, that has huge negative implications on my walk with Christ. I”m not saying having friends who give you those things is bad. But…maybe God is just showing me that I only need God. Maybe God is just breaking me down, bringing me to a state where I am complete in Him, before I can go on to anything else.
Maybe this is my Kerith. Maybe this is my manna.
“The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.” -Proverbs 18:10
I’m running. I’m believing. I’m willing to be broken, so long as God doesn’t mind me crying, a lot.
God, take me to Kerith, and teach me to live and depend on You alone.