I talked to my choir director tonight, Mr. Plumb.
Only for a few brief moments. But I love that man so much. He’s like a father to me. He’s helped me grow, he’s listened to me, he’s supported me, he believes in me. I just love being around him because he makes me feel like I can do anything.
He treats me like I want my husband to treat my children. He challenges me, points me back to God, and makes me feel amazing and like someone worth fighting for.
I’ve told Paul more stuff than I’ve told my own dad. Which I hate, but my dad and I never talk, he doesn’t give me the same safe, approachable feeling. And I don’t know why, and I hate it. I want so badly to have that kind of relationship with my dad. but I don’t know how to fix it.
Paul knows that I felt completely unbeautiful for so long. He has told me that I’m God’s princess, and that I’m definitely good enough for any guy to be interested in. He even told me that a guy would have to only have half a brain to walk away from me, lol. Of course, exaggerations, but he’s got a way of saying things that just…make you feel like you’re worth something, things that remind you that you’re worth so much to God and that if you cling to God, people will notice and that desperate deathgrip on God will make you attractive to them also.
That might make him sound kind of creepy. But I promise you, he’s not. At all. He’s like my dad.
I want a husband who will let my daughters know that they’re beautiful. I want my girls to grow up talking to their dad about everything, and trusting his opinion and advice on boys. I want my husband to support my daughters in everything they do (my real dad is very good at that one, don’t get me wrong. He shows it funny, but he’s really good at that.). I want my kids to have an involved father, who builds them up and is the spiritual head of the family. I want so much for my girls to have whole relationships with their father. I want my boys to look at their dad and see a man, a real man, at to learn how to treat a woman.
I have high hopes for this husband, whoever he may be. And I am excited to be his helpmate, to push him on to be everything he can be. I want my marriage to matter, and to make a difference. I want my family to be saturated in love that only comes from God. I have big dreams. And an even bigger God.