I can’t go to church today. I feel so yucky. And it makes me very sad. So I figured I’d blog a bit.
Yesterday was just a hard day. My medicine made me very light-headed to the point where I felt like I was going to faint early afternoon. Once I got some real food in me though, I was all right and actually made it to Revolution last night. I iced my mouth almost the entire time I was there, and the drugs started to knock me out about halfway through the sermon…I probably shouldn’t have gone, but at least I learned I wouldn’t be able to handle the three hours of church this morning.
So I went home. and everything just hurt. I hated telling people that I wasn’t ok when they’d ask how I”m doing, but I can’t lie. I really wasn’t ok. I’m still not. my lower left surgery site hurts so bad. The doctor told me to take advil in stead of the narcotics he prescribed. So dad’s getting some right now. It just hurts so. bad. lol. I really was going to try to make it today. Nope. not happening.
So I facebook crept an old friend of mine. I miss the way she used to be. I remember comparing myself to her all the time, so unhealthy. I really need to stop comparing. Because God didn’t create me to be athletic, technically savvy, or tall. He created me to be me. So comparing is really worthless, because that’s not how God created me to be. I came to that conclusion a few days ago, and it was such a weight off. God didn’t create me to be Audrie, He created Audrie to be Audrie. He didn’t create me to be Monica, He created Monica to be Monica. He made me to be me, so I just need to be the best me for His glory that I can be. That doesn’t make me “Better” than some people or “worse” than others. It makes us different.
I don’t know why this thing about being “best” at something is so important to me sometimes. Sometimes I just want to feel superior. And that’s definitely not a healthy habit. Somewhere, chances are, someone will always be superior to me at something. But does that matter? No! Doing that something for the glory of God and loving it are what matter. Finding my joy in my Savior is what matters. Who cares if some girl over there can cook better or is prettier? Good for her! That’s who God created her to be, to fill her role in His plan. That’s not who He made me. And that’s ok.
As you can tell, I’m still new at this whole idea. I still struggle with it. I still want to compare. I still want to get down on myself when I realize that other people are better at stuff or whatever. But it’s useless. and God is showing me that, and showing me that I’m His precious daughter, crafted in His special idea, so it doesn’t matter how He made anybody else, because His idea for me was unique. He made a Lindsey and an Girl X for a reason, not two Girl Xs.
Anyway. That’s my big idea for the week. Stop comparing. It gets you nowhere. God made you YOU.
Time to read :)