Well, I’m an ex girlfriend now. Don’t bother going back to look for stuff about my relationship; I deleted it all. Keeping it around to reread years from now would be too painful.
It was my decision, and it was a month coming, but it was still very difficult to make. However, for the first time in months, I have peace. I no longer think I’d rather just die than live out a day, and I haven’t even been struggling with self-esteem this past week. No, the guy I was dating did not consciously inflict those thoughts and feelings on me, but obviously in some way our relationship was negatively impacting me to the point where depression was just a fact of life for quite some time.
If you want to know why the relationship failed, drop me an e-mail and I’ll give you vague answers. This blog will not turn into an ex-bashing fest, but I am willing to share my experiences with those honestly seeking to learn from my mistakes. There were so many red flags that I completely missed……..I regret who I was and how blind I was, and I regret the pain I inflicted on him by ending it, but I don’t regret the things I have learned. I have a much clearer vision of what I want in a husband now.
My brother came down this weekend, and we went out to Coldstone and just talked things through. It was so great having his support and being able to tell him everything about why I ended it, and to hear him say that I was right. I’ve been told that a lot from people; no one has questioned my decision. I have peace for the first time in months. It was the hardest decision of my life; I’ve been turning it over in my head for about 6-8 weeks, we’d been talking about it for about a month. I cried so hard about it, but what was the point in continuing a relationship I knew was wrong?
On a brighter note, another thing I never thought I’d say……..
I like Harry Potter.
I’ve read the first 3 books, am 200 pages into the fourth one, and have seen the first 5 movies (6-7 part 2 are waiting until I read the books…read, Lindsey, read!).
I also haven’t decided if I’m going to finish my degree at my Bible college or drop out and attend a physical therapy school locally. We’ll see, I have plenty of time to worry about that. So much changed when this relationship ended; for the best, I firmly believe; I just have a lot of thinking and praying to do now.
Anyway, I don’t really want to write any more right now. I’m afraid I’ll either digress into reasons the relationship failed (which would be ex-bashing, if I’m not careful), or talk about depressing things my old friends are doing. I’d rather go read Harry Potter and blissfully drift away into Hogwarts castle, watching the Triwizard competition unfold, even though knowledge that Voldemort is behind it all lurks in the back of my head, waiting to be discovered hundreds of pages from now. :) (Sorry if I just ruined that for anyone………..)