The Bible takes on a whole new meaning depending on what situation you’re in.
My Uncle just said the greatest words he ever could to me: “I really am glad you’re here; I’m sorry I’m feeling so bad. At least you don’t make me talk all the time like Danny did.”
That gives me confidence that I’m doing the right thing. No matter how much I hate sitting in the silence and watching him hurt, or having fun while he’s sitting there so pitifully…he understands that that’s all I can do, and appreciates it.
I just hurt to see him hurt. He was especially bad tonight. He tried so hard to be in a good mood, but it’s hard when you just feel so icky. My aunt feels bad for not being able to do more “fun” things; I tell her not to worry at all. I really am having a marvelous time. I don’t need to be entertained. I just need to be here and serve and love.
She asked me to vacuum for her today while they were at the doctor’s office. I hate vacuuming. I started getting a crumby attitude about it, but then I realized that blessing others and serving them won’t always be by doing fun things that I enjoy. Sometimes what they need most is the mundane things of life so that they can have fun and enjoy life. Realizing that made even vacuuming more tolerable.
I just wish this wasn’t happening. He’s aged 20 years in the last 2. Bless his dear, sweet, loving heart.
And here I stop lest I cry and be heard.
EDIT: Although, I was thinking tonight…
We spend an insane amount of our time on worthless things. I made “I <3 U!" out of duct tape on my leg, and was all excited to send the picture to facebook and make people chuckle. Then Uncle Bob hiccuped and groaned. Aunt Joann's face contorted with concern as she reached out to hold his frail hand. She hung on every noise and just ached to do something–anything–to make him feel better. That's when I realized how stupid so much of what we do is, and how pointless it is.
I haven't decided yet what this means for my life. But I don't want to be preoccupied with stupid things.