I love sticky notes.
My computer screen is covered in them, and it’s making me crazy. Two of them are just things I’ve written, so I’m going to share them here, and thereby clean up my computer screen a little bit. With both notes, I’ll explain, and thereby give an update. See how fun this is? :)
Well, I was supposed to graduate in December. Through some school politics and other things, a class I needed is not going to be available to me this fall, so I am staying at school an extra semester. My RD had been hinting that I should apply to be an RA, and applications had closed the weekend before I found this out. I had kind of been feeling like I should have applied, and asked God to make a way for me to apply if I was supposed to. The day after I prayed that, I found out I was staying an extra semester. When I told my RD my plight, she was like “…You know, I bet I can get an application for you since this is a special situation…..” I was like, wow, that’s a blazing sign from God if I’ve ever seen one. I filled out an application that night and within three days was having an interview to be an RA. Crazy, right?
Well, I got the job! I’m extremely excited, but also being hardcore attacked to feel inadequate and all sorts of junk. This weekend was our leadership retreat, and it was really good. I got to talk to my RD and she helped calm some of my fears and just told me that she had complete confidence in me and that even if I failed (which I probably will, she reminded me) the only way I could disappoint her was to not talk to her about it and be honest about it. She said some very sweet things and really built me up. I was incredibly encouraged, and thankful for God using people to remind me that He has put me in this position for a reason.
Anyway, one night when I was feeling like I needed to be affirmed but not wanting to just be like “tell me good things about myself so I stop feeling crumby and can start feeling confident!”, I wrote this:
Don’t tell me I can do this,
Tell me I can’t.
Tell me it’s not my skill but my God that gets things done.
Tell me it’s not my intellect but my God that solves problems.
Don’t tell me I can do this,
Tell me I can’t, but He can.
I really believe that. It’s not so much a matter of whether or not I am capable as God has opened doors and put me here and therefore I am capable. It’s not intrinsic in me; it’s intrinsic in me following Christ.
This is from my resume, but I took it out because it wasn’t exactly what was needed. My life dream is still the same, but I’m willing to lay it down if that’s what God asks me to do. Where He goes, I’ll go. The ministry dream is pretty solid, I feel like, though.
Life dream: To be a stay-at-home wife and mother raising Godly children and supporting my husband.
Ministry dream: To raise up women of God; to nurture broken children, teenage girls, and women.
So that’s my life. Crazy, fun, exciting. I’m really excited about next semester :)
PS! I think I’ve got an internship at my brother’s church this summer! Huzzah!